Pink Kit Birth Stories From Years Ago

25 January 2008


We received an email from a woman who is pregnant with her second child. Here is her story and my response as Trustee to Common Knowledge Trust and The Pink Kit.

We have been in the Middle East for 2 1/2 years now, my husband is working for the Royal Air Force of ....

I first heard of the pink kit or rather the website birthingbetter.com after reading Kathy Fray's book "Oh Baby". I read the book when I was pregnant with our first son who was also born in ... by caesarean section.

He had been breech all along so I had been gearing myself up for the probability of having a c-section especially since I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived in ... or what the hospitals were like. Sure enough the hospital where we are located is fairly basic and although they deliver a LOT of babies in this small muslim community they tend to stick to what is considered the "safe" option of delivery especially for expat women as they wouldn't want to have any complications trying to deliver a breech baby.

In fact out of the few western expat woman who have delivered at the hospital only 2 out of 5 have had natural births. Caesarean seems to be the delivery of choice. Anyway, I want to try for a VBAC but I'm very nervous as my husband cannot be with me (due to the muslim religious restrictions and shared labour facilities) and there is no such thing as midwives here in fact from speaking to a woman who has delivered naturally at this hospital she had a cleaning lady that she didn't know holding her hand through contractions due to the lack of doctors and nurses available.

I am not even sure of what pain relief options are available but know that epidural is not common practice as all caesareans are done under general anaesthetic. For that reason I am really hoping I can avoid a c-section again and would feel more confident about doing this on my own (and probably without any pain relief) if I really understood what is going on with my body during the labour and the birthing process.

With my son I did go into labour and got to about 2cm dilated before the operation but I barely experienced any real contractions to know what to expect this time around. Then of course I have the added worry that goes with VBAC and the fact that most doctors would rather just keep giving you c-sections to be on the safe side.... even though by the time I deliver it will have been 2 years and 3 months since my last delivery. I am hoping that is where the pink kit can come in and help me. I am almost 27 weeks pregnant now and have read that these skills are ideally best practiced from 24 weeks onwards so I hope we can sort something out soon so I can get started!

Thanks again ...

Here's my response:

There are several things I'd like to discuss with you about The PKP and your situation. Also feel free to continue our correspondence.

There's no order of importance in the following but all will help you get clearer.

1. Preparing for childbirth (even if you are going to have a c/s) will give you the satisfaction and connection you are looking for. This is the strength of the PK skills.
2. There are three types of birth stories.
1. Time frame: 'I went into labour at 6pm, my water broke at 11pm, I pushed for 2 hours and gave birth at 3am.'
2. What happened to me: 'I had to have a c/s. There was no one there to help me. I'll be given a general anesthetic.
3. The physical story: 'I had back labour, I pushed for 2 hours with progress, I vomited all through labour'.
   

The PK can't change the Time Frame stories and can't even change the What happened to me but we can impact the physical story and develop skills that help us deal with the other two stories which means that PK birth stories sound more like this

'They made me lie in bed with a foetal monitor. I just used my Directed Breathing, went around the Pelvic Clock and made certain I stay 'open and I felt great about myself'.

So the PK is what you can do for yourself.

1. Your husband might not be able to be with you but together you can prepare using the PK.
2. Women always have to prepare for birthing on their own. No one else is doing the birth and if you got lost in the desert you would have to do it. On the other hand, ask a woman friend if they let another woman come ...and she has to learn the 'role of birth coach' in the resources.
3. Prepare for birth even if you end up with a c/s. Your body isn't preparing for a c/s, your head is. Enjoy preparing and prepare as though you were going to birth on your own. Get serious and learn skills. You'll feel more empowered when you face whatever situation you'll face. It's like driving somewhere. It suddenly snows, cars are skidding and you have to continue. The more skills you have the better you'll fare. You can't change the situation, you can change you to become skilled within whatever situation you are faced.
4. The PK skills came from situations like yours and what we could do for ourselves.
   

As you learn the skills, infuse your mind and body with them all the time during the next 13 weeks. Live them inside you as you go about your business and see yourself over and over again going through a labour (with lots of pain during contractions) using one or more of the skills with and without another to help by another person.

Then see yourself delivering your baby vaginally (whether this happens or not) and ask yourself 'have I done enough of the internal work?' If not, do more.

Our human mind has a gift of projection into the future and remembering the past. We can re-do the past ... not always 'what happened' but how we responded to what happened. We can see ourselves doing things in the future even though when the future arrives it may prove to be very different.

For example, if you have a general (anesthetic) with another c/s then you won't be conscious. This 'disconnect' can make women feel very disconnected from birth so we learned to replay the birth with being connected even if we had to imagine it.

Our mind does not distinguish between 'real' and 'imagined'. We know this from watching a horror film. We know it's not real but our body responds as though it is. We (whoever the 'I' is) have a great deal of control over our mind (whatever that is).

The PK comes from thousands of women and men who sorted out how to have the very best birth possible in whatever situation they find themselves and then to fill in the gaps afterwards by re-playing it better.

Here are two recent emails. First from a man who just had his first baby with a woman who had two other children. She was SO resistant to doing the PK even though she had two terrible births.

I've got a first draft of the birth story for our son. This is the quickie report. She did a little bit of reading, watching and listening (to the CD). I went through almost all of it. With the skills I had from the PK, we had a wonderful birth. I feel that it could have been even better, but it went very smoothly, so there really isn't anything to complain about. Got to the hospital on Jan 5 a bit after 9:30am, her water broke at 10:10 and I was catching my son at 11:23am. We both agree that had you and I not met (*on a train) and we (mostly me) not had the PK skills the birth would have been very different and much the same as her first two births. I had to play a bit more of a director then a coach, but we worked well.

Warmth and love,

PS: we did not fail. We didn't get all we could have, but what we did was wonderful.

This second short note says it in a different way.

I am really interested in the Pink Kit. When I was pregnant with my first child, my midwife borrowed me a copy to read through. I did a little bit of it, but not enough. However I did use one technique that most definately I think prevented me from having any intervention. I went onto have a beautiful, completely natural birth with no intervention and I would like to know more and do more for subsequent pregnancies.

A lot of women would not even know what the pink kit is, and I think it is really important for people to understand it.
So that is where I am at in a nutshell'.

Two things in common ... DO the work. The more skilled you know you are, the more you can imagine using those skills in any type of birth you have, the more you re-play and re-play the moment by moment doing of the activity of giving birth (working with your baby's efforts) the better and more fulfilled you'll feel.

And spread the word on forums and chat rooms!

We're here to nut this out with you.

This Pink Kit Father Says It All

25 January 2008


Accidents do happen or more like serendipity. I met a lovely man on a train. He was about to have his first baby with a woman who had two previous children. Apparently she had terrible birth experiences and desperately wanted a good experience.

They purchased a Pink Kit Package.

Now this is what happened. She really had no interest. Perhaps she was resistant. Perhaps she felt by changing the birth environment then her birth would be what she wanted ... relying on Birth Plans (wishes, wants and don't wants). Perhaps she didn't believe anything could make a difference to her birth experiences. Perhaps she didn't value birth sufficiently to take time from her business schedule. Perhaps there were reasons I know nothing about. I met her husband 1x and talked with him for the 2 hour train ride.

This is his story.

I've got a first draft of the birth story for our son. This is the quickie report. She did a little bit of reading, watching and listening (to the CD). I went through almost all of it. With the
skills I had from the PK, we had a wonderful birth. I feel that it could have been
even better, but it went very smoothly, so there really isn't anything to complain
about. Got to the hospital on Jan 5 a bit after 9:30am, her water broke at 10:10
and I was catching my son at 11:23am. We both agree that had you and I
not met (*on a train) and we (mostly me) not had the PK skills the birth would have been
very different and much the same as her first two births. I had to play a bit more
of a director then a coach, but we worked well.

Warmth and love,

PS: we did not fail. We didn't get all we could have, but what we did was wonderful.

Now what does this say?

To all you fathers-to-be out there ... you've got to take charge of your end of the deal. If you're going to be at the birth of your children then you have to have the skills whether your partner invests time to learn for herself or not.

Without this man stepping up to the plate, educating himself with how to 'coach' (in this case 'direct) then the birth would not have been the same. He spent the time learning. He spent the time knowing for himself because he chose to.

What was the return on investment? Pretty darn good from that story. He did it. He'll always feel great about the role he played.

Do you think his wife will love him, value him, appreciate him and recognize how much better the whole experience would have been had she invested a fraction of the time he did?

Men, dads, fathers-to-be ... you can change the whole birth experience. Be pro-active. Purchase the Pink Kit Package for yourself, learn your set of skills, use them in labour and reap the reward ... your confidence as a man, your confidence as a father, your confidence as a partner.

Here's What A Pink Kit Woman Says

24 January 2008

Since Paypal returned our shopping cart to us, we've been flooded with orders. It's like there's been a line of both mothers and fathers-to-be waiting in line for our shopping cart to come back.

This tells us that there is a huge desire and need for good, practical childbirth skills ... for both women and men! Fathers can not be left out! Men are brilliant birth coaches when they have the appropriate skills that work well around professionals and in the unique environment of childbirth.

If you want a really positive birth experience then work together as a couple. Your birth professional really wants you to have a good experience but their concept of 'good experience' is very, very different from yours.

Yes, you and birth professionals want safety first. Yup. So, make safety your first priority ... learning skills and preparing a pregnant body to let a large object out goes along way toward a 'safer' birth. And only you can do that. Your birth professional can't.

This brings me to an email we receive recently which says it all.

'I am really interested in the Pink Kit. When I was pregnant with my first child, I borrowed a copy to read through. I did a little bit of it, but not enough. However I did use one technique that most definately I think prevented me from having any intervention. (This is called 'safety' ... This woman increased the safety of herself and her baby)
I would like to know more and do more for subsequent pregnancies. A lot of women would not even know what the pink kit is, and I think it is really important for people to understand it.'

So get going and get the only childbirth system that is for absolutely all births, works 100% of the time (The above woman discovered she hadn't done enough yet she used something she learned that improved her birth experience .... that means she was 100% successful although she would now have taken the skills more seriously)

You are in charge! You have the power to create a wonderful birth experience even if you have to have a cesarean delivery you don't want or much more medical care than you would wish ... whatever birth you have. In reality the power comes from working with your baby's efforts to be born and that can occur in every birth because that's all birth is ... your baby's efforts to come out of you.

SHOPPING CART UP AND WORKING!

20 January 2008

I don't know who Rachel is at Paypal in Compliance Department or Ashley in Resolution's, however, if you read this blog ... a BIG THANK YOU FOR HELPING SO QUICKLY! It's nice to know there's a person at the end of a Rainbow!.

For all of our valued customers ... who are pregnant, want to become wholesalers and/or affiliates our shopping cart is now back online.

This is the most recent email from Paypal.

20 Jan 2008 12:12:46 PM

Dear Common Knowledge Trust

Thank you for your fax. I have completed my review of your account and
website and your organization is currently in compliance with the
Charities and Non-Profit Organizations section of the PayPal Acceptable
Use Policy. No further documentation is needed and you are approved to
use PayPal for collecting donations with this account. Full access has
been restored to your account.

Please let me know if you need further assistance.

Sincerely,
Rachel
PayPal Compliance Department
PayPal, an eBay Company

Paypal Follow-up ... What A Nightmare

20 January 2008

I sent this to Paypal today.

Dear Customer Service:

Ashley from Paypal Resolution Center has suggested I send an email to you about a difficulty we're presently having with Paypal Compliance. Please understand that frustration leads to anger and I hope that you will pass this email on to your Corporate body so that this matter can be resolved so that other businesses are not caught in this horrible loop of Ground Hog Day.

Paypal is a huge company, earning billions of dollars from customers such as our small Charitable Organization. As a customer we expect any issues with Paypal to be dealt with promptly just as Paypal expects us to respond to their requests.

This is our situation followed by suggestions to implement better business practices from Paypal.

Our Trust was requested to send documents as to our charitable status and tax exempt status .. 'Due diligence 7 days'.

We were also asked to have a person be the contact rather than the Trust which meant sending password ID and bank statement for the Paypal account of Common Knowledge (info@birthingbetter.com)

Because there are Paypal emails floating around that are spam, we requested clarification. Our account was turned off and 'limited' on January 17, 2008. This effectively cuts off all our financial transactions which are our lifeline to our customers and our income.

We faxed our documents to the below Fax numbers:

001-402-537-5750FAX January 18
001-402-9382337 – Sent Jan 19, 2008 3.50pm
00448707307198 – Sent Jan 19, 2008 3.53pm
0013033952802 – Sent January 19, 2008 3.48pm

We expected to hear that our faxes were received and notice that our account was re-activated. Or told when our account would be activated. Paypal must know that turning off a business account for online shopping will have terrible consequences for that business. Certainly there are some business that are not ethical using Paypal however, we've been treated as though we were unethical because of delays on your end.

Since we tried to act within the time limit of 7 days ... due diligence, while clarifying that the original email was 'real', we should expect a coherent, well disciplined and prompt response and action.

Since a different people each time from Compliance contacts us there doesn't seem to be any follow through.

This led me to call Resolution Center. I was informed that the name change fax ( 001-402-537-5750FAX ) is presently back logged for up to 30 days!

I've just received an email from complianceverification that it could take up to 5-7 business days to find our faxes on the other 3 numbers provided above.

This is just unacceptable business practice!

These are my suggestions:

1) When there is a Compliance issue that Paypal is asking for quick 'due diligence' they should be providing a case number, a specific person with fax, email and phone so this can be resolved quickly in a world of online business. This can be simply done by:

a) appointing individual customer service people a specific number of cases. This is common business practice and should be a 'given' when dealing with a major issue such as turning off an account!
b) hiring sufficient people so this can happen.
c) getting sufficient fax equipment and direct contact phone numbers for this to happen.

2) When a compliance issue occurs, there should be a page/s on Paypal website that gives all the specifics requirements and a tick-box that indicates actions have been received and implemented. There are many business programs that permit interaction of this manner. Along with Live Chat.

a) For example, my computer is tied to 'wintergreen@birthingbetter.com' because all of us at Common Knowledge Trust work from different computers .. not in an office. This is common practice in many businesses today. However, Paypal compliance won't talk with me because that wasn't the email to the account, ALTHOUGH I could supply all our account information!
b) Paypal should supply information as to how quickly Paypal will respond to any request for documentation and that response time should follow within standard business practice. If Paypal expects 'due diligence' then it should be offering the same! Having yet another unknown person reply within unclear information just adds to the frustration and which leads to anger particularly when an account is 'limited'. This is a MAJOR ISSUE and should be high priority for action and resolution.
c) Paypal should provide easy to access information as to whom to contact so there is one person following the case, rather than a series of people who don't have a clue. A major issue such as 'limiting' an account should be handled with immediate expediency and not put into a line with other less essential issues.
d) Paypal should provide information as to how to follow-up. We were given a case ID yet when we put that into Resolution page on website, it came up 'You do not have any cases that match the case ID you entered.'

3) Major Issues such as 'limiting' an account should be handled as the upmost High Priority with quick responses in the computer Age that we live in.

Paypal's request to us was simple and we could simply comply. Yet our business is being held back by Paypal's lack of action. This is unacceptable and costs our organization thousands of dollars. If our name change might take up to 30 days then this means we have no income coming in ... wages, expenses, rent, etc. This is totally unacceptable in this day and age about business.

Our account should have been turned on within 24-48 hours after receiving our documents and our documents should have been received and acknowledged within 2-4 hours of being sent. This is not difficult to do when a specific person is assigned a number of high priority cases.

We've now been told by Complianceverification that any documents sent to the remaining FAXES could take up to 5-7 working days. Our account has been frozen for 2 days now and could be frozen for up to 30 days and a minimum of another 5 working days (+ 2 weekend days) ... over something that could have been resolved by having a specific someone receiving our faxes, acknowledging their arrival and having the power to remove the 'limit' on our account. This is what today's businesses demand and should be provided by such an incredibly powerful company as Paypal.

What is happening to us is a nightmare of ineffective, obstructive and poor business practices.

Calling Paypal phone requires huge waiting time (I waited 2 hours the first call and 45 minutes the second time): HIRE more people! The Resolution Center can not help to make decisions (that's what they should be doing! That's their name!) ... someone should be able ... this person is called 'Management' or 'Head of Department'.

Major issues such as turning off a Paypal account should not be left to multiple call center people. This is totally unacceptable!

It's also impossible to contact Compliance directly even by Resolution Call Center people or to follow-up which is unacceptable. No one seems to know the case history ... totally unacceptable.

We are left hanging with an account that doesn't work. If we had another option of payment provider we would immediately close our account. Paypal is respected in it's field, but this is terrible business practice and yet Paypal expects our businesses to have good practice!