The Pink Kit skills are social rather than political

25 Oct 2007

Over the next week or two I'm going to write two types of blogs. 'What about ...' ones and 'Yes, but ...' ones. Then I''m going to take a break and let everyone think a bit about all of this.

The Pink Kit Method will become known when there is a socially accepted connection between being pregnant and learning how-to birth as a woman or how to 'coach' (or whatever word you use) to help as a man. This seems like common sense but it's not being done at the present.

This isn't a political issue. It's a social value.

If birth is BIG enough then eventually people will seek out birth and coaching skills alongside the information and choices that is commonly 'childbirth preparation'.

Yes, there are some childbirth systems available that have skills however all these systems are trying to promote 'natural' birth. In fact birth is birth and skills should just be part of the experience. Now you can understand the blogs I'm about to do ... 'What about ....?'

The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better® without a doubt can become the basis for skills-based birth preparation because they come from what we all share in common.

Every expectant parent can and should enjoy preparing for the birth of their baby. If you're having a cesarean, your body is still preparing for birth! If you want a 'natural' birth you are more likely to achieve that when you are skilled. You enjoy preparing for your birth by buying baby clothes, furniture etc. Enjoy learning the skills you can and will use.

At the present, childbirth information and making choices is important and stressed. Why shouldn't a good set of childbirth skills be as important? They should be! You'll still breathe and your body will still be in some posture or position.

Don't just be at your birth like when you sit in the dentist's chair. Do something for yourself particularly once it gets painful or during the surgery. The 'things' you can do for yourself are your skills just like you bring skills to everything else you do in your life. Enjoy learning specific birthing and coaching skills and use them.

Everyone loves to see a woman cope with labour pains well and see a man really know how to help. Everyone wants a family having a surgical delivery to have a positive experience so using your skills during the surgery makes you feel much more involved. This isn't rocket science. It's common sense. Birth can be something we 'do' not just 'experience'.

Doing skills throughout the birth leaves one feeling really, really good. And we all want to feel good. Sometimes the whole birth topic seems to be challenging the possibility of feeling good about our births.

Mostly 'birth topics' are political. They are what they are. Birth skills are our social currency ... what we can do for ourselves no matter what the situation is. That's why 'What about ...' becomes such an important topic

Aren't Synchronicities Wonderful?

23 Oct 2007

My plan was to start a series of blog entries called 'What about ...?'. This comes on top of several conversations over the past 6 months with a large number of people who contact Common Knowledge Trust and ask whether The Pink Kit Package suits their birth. Also, there are many midwives and doulas who want to know how The Pink Kit fits into their practice.

I received an email today from a young woman and want to share some of her comments. She has just ordered The Pink Kit Package and not yet received it. So, she has a 'what about ...' birth story. Then you get my long worded ... as usual ... response. Just remember this woman's story may not be your story AT ALL! The Pink Kit Package is for all births, all births, all births. So send your 'What about ... ' stories to us.

'As for how i heard about you, i *think* someone in my home birth forum mentioned you. i belong to an online community and there are forums for everything there. and the members are from all over the world. after i read about the pink kit on your web site i knew i had to have it! this is my first birth and it's twins. i really want a home birth and i really believe i can have a home birth, but i am finding i am in the minority. even midwives want to come in here with a whole gang of people and a whole list of ways that they can interfere. i know that my body knows how to have a baby. i don't need all that interference. and i certainly don't want it. your kit will help me to build my confidence and teach me valuable skills that will be essential in labor. i can not wait!!

the official due date is january 5th, but i am having twins so maybe a little earlier. but maybe not! many mothers of twins i have met recently carried their babies to term. so many medical people want to raise the alarm bells when you say twins, but i really don't believe that is necessary. and my twins couldn't be better off for an easy, natural birth. they are fraternal, in separate sacks, have separate placentas and are evenly sized and large. really just like two singletons in one uterus, i think! :)

If you're reading this and planning an elective cesarean for any reason and can't even imagine this woman's story, then you need to realize that every birth is about 'What about ...'. Your birth is about what you can do for your birth. We hope you will use your Pink Kit Package skills in your pregnancy to enjoy preparing for birth, then use your skills during the birth of your baby during the surgery. Birth is birth, is birth, is birth.

Anyway, here is my reply.

Hi E:

What a lovely story you have and please use any and all forums to tell people about The PK. We only use the internet to sell and have a few wholesalers (anyone can!). So spreading the word is vitally important to us and obviously was to you.

Let me tell you a wee bit about The PK and then about you and your babies. I'm also going to put your story and my response on our blog (without your name!) because I'm just starting a series of blog entries called 'What about .... ' and your story fits right in. Only you will know you're famous!

The skills came from the 1970s when I worked with people who had bad backs as a natural health provider. A woman had a sore tail bone from giving birth many years earlier. I felt her tailbone and it was long. I felt mine and it wasn't and mine hadn't been sore after giving birth to my daughter in 1970. So we figured out how any woman could work with her muscles to relax the area around the tail bone so in birth she wasn't tight around her baby's efforts to pass by. This skill is in The PK Package and has been used successfully by women who find they do have a long tail bone.

So right away we discovered our human body, it's variations and how our own knowledge can make a difference. Even lying in bed, we can soften, relax and mobilize that part of ourselves. If we knew! Certainly this particular woman couldn't go back and replay an experience that had happened many years earlier but having the knowledge and ability to continue to relax in that area helped stop the continued discomfort.

Also I worked with people from very diverse backgrounds, a few of these people were pregnant. They all had different views about birth, different options, health issues, providers etc. Personally, I couldn't deal with all those. The issues were too big and my political interests lay outside of the birth arena. But all these families were somehow asking 'What about ...?' Which is exactly your situation.

As you've discovered there is a lot of opinions about your birth, your choices, your beliefs and your options. Personally I stayed away from all of the birth politics. As a Trust we also stay away and in my role as a trustee, we don't discuss those issues. They are what they are and you like everyone else has to deal with what you have.

So, what do we discuss? And how do The PK skills work with all the variables? Well, we just look at birth is birth in all situations and the PK are the skills to take into your birth through your preparation during pregnancy.

We talk about preparing our shared-by-every-human's birthing body (when we are pregnant). We talk about how easy it is for dads (who so very much want to help) to learn these skills because men have the exact same body and can learn the skills in their role as 'coach' (that term gets explained in the resources).

We talk about how using your learned birth skills then become the skills you use in your birth no matter where, or with whom or what is happening. And this is where 'what about ... ' comes into place. Since 100% of pregnant women will give birth one way or another, every woman and her partner is faced with what is happening to them. Of course they are asking 'what about ...'

Thirty five years later my job is to compress the multiple stories from all the birth stories, how families used The PK skills in whatever situation they birthed ... and I share the stories with people like you. So, here is the sharing.

For those families who are doing something in their pregnancy or birth that challenges the 'safety' perception of others, we used The PK to reduce, eliminate and prevent potential risks.

For example, women with severe heart conditions who wanted vaginal births were often told by their provider that 2nd stage is where their heart can be very stressed or in long labours. So these families learned the skills and did lots of internal work. The skills came in handy with coping with every contractions and stay open during labour so labour didn't hang up due to tension and fear of pain. Having done lots of internal work reduced tension in the birth canal and helped the baby open that tissue more easily so that 2nd stage progressed with less strain.

Birth providers across the board (doctors and midwives) mostly didn't believe doing anything the family had done had altered the birth ('You never know what birth will be like, so there is nothing you can really do to prepare.') The families strongly believed that what they had done may have prevented, reduced or eliminated the 'risks'. We all know we can't replay birth so we're left with a very subjective view of our birth. AND that perception is what lives within us for the rest of our lives!

There are many, many families who have 'conditions' that stimulate concerns by both doctors and midwives. Twins is one of them. Not every family pregnant with twins who uses The PK chooses a home birth or a 'natural' birth. However, they all use the skills to improve their experience EVEN if preparing for an elective c/s because they so enjoy preparing for birth and using the skills during surgery and recovery. Birth is birth!

The power of The PK is that the skills work in all environment. For example, my son arrived 8 weeks premature. I certainly hadn't planned to be traveling and at the home of strangers in a different State. I hadn't planned on arriving in a strange hospital never having met the doctor. And of course I did know that they were concerned for my baby so they wanted to do assessments, monitoring and some procedures which I accepted because those things had nothing to do with my using my skills. They did what they needed to do and I continued to work with my son's efforts to be born early.

Like so many other PK families, I just used my PK skills with and around everything else going on around or to me. They had me stay in bed, had a drip put in and had me moved to 'theatre' for the birth.

I just worked with my son's efforts to be born. I wasn't going to be able to re-do it the next day so what I had, I had. I birthed him myself with everyone watching. The doctor and staff saw me be in control and behaving in a capable manner so they just watched.

Inside my head there was a 'negative dialogue' about the pain (you'll learn about that in the resources) but I knew that was a 'voice'. My other voice talked me through every single breath and how to use the PK skills that were working well at the time. This meant I worked through labour inside my head employing several skills at a time. This meant I looked confident, capable and coping with labour from the outside.

The doctor periodically checked me after I had checked myself but I just kept using my skills. I skilled my way through birth just as so many families had before and have since. We love using our internal knowledge to help our baby move through our body. It's exhilarating.

This means you not only gain confidence in learning skills you also are working to reduce the risks of a home birth with twins and then will use your skills so that your response to labour pain doesn't concern others. When others see women 'suffering' or not coping then birth providers get nervous, particularly if there are also 'risks'.

Many, many families who have planned home births have ... for multiple reasons ... found themselves in hospital. The PK skills just travel within us. A more 'medical' birth is just more assessments, monitoring and procedures but you'll still have to breath and your body is still in some posture or position. The skills don't change whether you're in the hospital, war zone, draught or in a taxi.

Even, if you have to stay in bed with a monitor, you can stay open, soften in your pelvic clock, have done the internal work, work with your partner at every nano second of that experience along with other PK skills as they suit. Our job is to work with our baby's efforts to be born in any situation we find ourselves.

You never have to feel out of control even if you can't control what is happening outside of you or to you. In fact, you can't control 'labour' either. What you control is your response to labour (which is your babies efforts to be born) and that's what leaves families feeling so empowered.

Also, if at any time you or your partner feel you or your babies need medical care then you don't need to feel that you are giving up your dream. You just use your skills at every moment. Thousands and thousands of PK families have some form of medical assessment, monitoring or procedures and most feel they've had a natural birth because of how skilled they were!

And if you feel that there is a need for medical care, then let your birth providers know and keep using your skills.

Best to you and feel free to stay in touch.

Some Pink Kit Questions

22 Oct 2007

A while ago I asked a person with whom I was corresponding to tell me what they heard I was saying about The Pink Kit. Although I can't remember the exact words they said something like this:

'You're saying that women have forgotten birth skills and The PK are those skills. Also that women should be able to birth without professionals.'

As a Trustee to a charitable organization, I absolutely must be giving a clear message that can be understood and passed on by others. This means, I have to re-think and re-trial what I am saying.

Now there is also the issue that something can be clearly stated yet interpreted differently. So I'll just take a moment to re-say what The PK skills are about.

Remember I bring together tens of thousands of birth stories from families in many countries so I'm not speaking a personal opinion or belief, rather trying to explain what are generalizations. After this entry, I''m going to focus on 'What about ...' which are more about individual use.

First, CKT has no idea whether women actually ever knew these skills or even lost them! Over the years, some people have inaccurately believed The PK skills came from traditional cultures, but that's not accurate. They came from modern women and men in the 1970s and focused on our shared human, birthing body.

When I ask women in traditional cultures 'What did your mother teach you how-to birth?', They tell me they learned 'nothing' about how to birth from their mothers. I ask just about everyone. People get told when they were born, whether the birth was easy or hard and sometimes a 'story' about things surrounding the birth. Sometimes I've been told that they were told by their mother to 'relax' or 'breathe' but if I ask them can they show me what that means, they usually can't although every once in a while someone will show me a relaxed way to breath. Overall, birthing skills have not been passed on to women and certainly not to fathers who are expected to help.

Therefore, the PK is not old skills lost and refound. Maybe someone else has though.

And the neat thing about The Pink Kit is that these skills cross over all boundaries and can be taken into any individuals beliefs, culture background, religion and birth situation.

Which brings us to the second topic ... Does the Pink Kit skills imply that women can or should birth without birth professionals?

The PK has nothing to do with birth professionals. They are our skills to use in whatever birth situation we have. In modern cultures, expectant parents will have a birth professional: doctor or midwife. In traditional communities there may be no birth professional. Every birth professional loves to see women cope well with labour pain and dads who can really help but that doesn't mean the woman is birthing without the professional.

When we birth, we still breathe. Our body is still in some position or posture.

• We can learn birth skills and prepare our birthing body.
• We can learn how-to work with our baby's efforts to be born.
• We can learn birth skills to cope with the naturally occurring pain of contractions.
• We can learn coaching (or helping or supporting skills) skills so as a husband, partner, friend or relative can help us cope with the pain.
• We can feel really positive about our experience of using our skills in every birth!

There is no goal:

The Pink Kit has no political agenda. It's birth skills.

• The Pink Kit is not about 'them' ... birth professionals. They are our skills.
  
• The Pink Kit is not about achieving 'natural birth'. The skills are for us to use in whatever birth we have.
  
• The Pink Kit is not anti-medical. The skills work well within any birth situation because they are our skills to use in labour.

Does this mean The Pink Kit skills do nothing?

Of course they do something! Having birth and coaching skills builds confidence, capability, ability to work with an incredibly and infrequent dynamic experience of giving birth. AND using them gives us a huge sense of accomplishment in every single birth.

In fact, The Pink Kit is 100% successful! Why, because we use them and any skill we use to accomplish any task means we have personal success.

Tomorrow I'm going to discuss a question sent to me from several people who started their birth stories and questions with 'What about ... ?'

The Pink Kit evolved in the 1970s from hundreds of us who asked the same question for very different reasons.

See you then.

Pink Kit Blog Commment

21 Oct 2007

It's always lovely when people leave messages about The Pink Kit

gill said...

FASCINATING BLOG. Have been listening have been listening to Womens' Hour on radio 4 in the UK today which carried a report on high rate of childbirth deaths in countries such as Pakistan. I 'googled' and found this account of your amazing work. I like the respect your teaching shows.

Who ever Gill is ... he/she 'gets' The Pink Kit! It's respectful of all births, cultures, religions and everything else!

NOW ... A BIG THANKS TO ELSIE!

Elsie contacted me several weeks ago and invited me to speak to a group of women in Birmingham on the 19th Oct.

So on the 19th I headed to Birmingham from Chester, (UK). The train was stopped due to technical problems in Rexham. We were sent back to Chester (change trains), to Crewe (change trains) and arriving one hour later.

Elsie and I learned a lesson. Since I carry no mobile phone, I hadn't asked for her number! We'd never met and I didn't know how to contact her!

She was there ... having waited and trusted in the Universe to drop me off!

Elsie is an independent midwife working in Balsall Heath Health Centre in Birmingham. She and I had never met. So when she took me into the room, I was totally delighted that I would be sharing The Pink Kit skills with so many women from diverse cultural, ethnic and religious backgrounds.

Here is where The Pink Kit excels. So many people automatically assume that The Pink Kit is 'alternative' .. Nope. Some others assume the skills would only be accepted by white, educated, middle class, self motivated families ... Nope. Others assume that conservative women would be offended .. Nope. And others assume that other cultures already have these skills ... Nope.

So, in my bold and forthright manner, I talked about what we share in common as humans across all our differences. I had a blast. There were grandmothers there too who knew the truth of how I spoke and learned heaps that they could have used when they gave birth.

The Pink Kit skills are ours and need to become common knowledge in our families, our cultures, our social groups, our societies because we need a shared common language about childbirth preparation and learning birth skills that can help us feel better about our birth experience as well as improve outcome to both us and our babies.

So, a big thank you to Elsie and all the women at Balsall for their welcome and humour. Thank you Elsie for being a living example of one Truth ... we are all One Humanity and your multi-ethnic, racial and probably religious background is alive and well within your beauty and being.

Who out there is going to help us get our present resource updated, distributed into bookstores and totally engaging! We also need to get a simpler resource that can be translated into multiple languages and given to pregnant women through clinics.

What are we waiting for?